One of the benefits of growing older is I now can reflect on my life. Decisions I made, opportunities I missed & the people I met along the way. Through this prism it’s easy to look back & also easy to second guess yourself. However, I don’t have any regrets. I believe it’s a fruitless distraction for something that is beyond my control. What I do think of however, are the people I have met along the way. Those individuals who have been a part of my life, my friends. With optimism I believed we would all grow old together. We got married, had children & bought homes at the same time. Our weekends were spent in each other’s homes with dinners & play dates. Those closest to us, were granted special roles in my children’s lives. Mentors, role models & life long friends.
Something else I also learned, friendship is easy when life is good. When everyone’s path is going in a similar direction, it’s simple. But as I now know life is neither simple or easy. Life is messy, difficult & can be downright sad. So what happens when life throws you one of those curveballs? An illness, job loss or a divorce, what happens then? Who will be there for you? How do others respond to your adversity?
Years ago, I learned a priceless lesson about friendship from my friends Martha & Barry. Barry would tease Martha & I that we were too optimistic. We believed the best in everyone & thought everyone else was just as vested in relationships as we were. Barry taught us that friendships are earned. They are a work in progress where helping others when they need it is just as important as a dinner together. Friendship is about caring when it’s not convenient & life is no longer a story book tale. Barry’s summary was friendships begins at 0%. Expect nothing. If it’s a friendship, people will earn a place in your life. Being there when you need them or they need you. Helping each other & sometimes just as moral support. Actions speak louder than words. When people are vested in a friendship, you know it.
My journey proved Barry’s theory correct. After my daughter’s successful pediatric cancer battle & my ex-husband divorced me my life changed dramatically. What happened with my ‘friends’ was disappointing, hurtful & unexpected. The people who I believed would always be there were nowhere to be found. Supposed friends who I thought held a special place in my life, fled like rats from a sinking ship. They were gone. The silver lining though were those people who filled the gap. While I considered them acquaintance’s, they very quickly stepped into the role of friends. Neighbors & teachers filled were there when I felt abandoned. They were supportive, helpful & selfless. They are my friends today. They earned not only my friendship but my admiration. While my journey was tough, the destination has been awesome. My life wouldn’t be what it is today if not for the pain of the past.
My conversations with my grandchildren are about their future plans with their lifelong friends. Their optimism & excitement is contagious. I remember myself at that age believing in forever friends. As life has taught me however, this is not always true. While I have reconnected with some of the people from my past, nowadays it’s different. I will never forget those who abandoned us when we needed them most. However, life goes on & I have moved on. Forgiveness & fortitude has brought me peace.
Today I am lucky enough to have friends. They are cherished, appreciated & share in our families big moments. These unlikely people who proved their friendship or as Barry would say, earned their 100% are a constant in my life & I adore them & am inspired by them. I could have been bitter about all of this, but I chose not to be. I am not a victim of my life I am a survivor of it. What happened I believe is part of God’s plan to teach me discernment & commitment. God put wonderful friends into my life when I needed them most & that is what I call a Blessing.
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