Did you let your children grow up? Did you provide them the guidance & independence to make decisions & make their own mistakes? Do you keep your opinions to yourself when they make mistakes? Did your parents raise you that way? I seem to know many people nowadays who have created a a ‘new norm’ in parenting to never let go. Playing ‘mommy’ & ‘daddy’ to kids well into their 30’s, these parents seem to crave being the center of their children’s lives & refuse to let their kids ‘grow up’. Parenting like previous generations, where relationships with children matured & grew over time, seems to be waning. Old fashioned parenting, teaching responsibility & self-reliance is based on the assumption that parents encourage independence & can let go. The expectation & goal for our kids to have their own fulfilling lives, is to accept as a parent our roles change over time. An adult parental relationship can be wonderful & can be a welcome addition to a young persons life. Sharing wisdom & experience as a parent of adult children is a fabulous starting point for a mature adult parent/child relationship. I find joy spending time with my grown up kids who are interesting independent people, but more importantly my friends. With the announcement of another beautiful grandchild by my daughter & son-in-law, I actually had some friends ask me ‘was this planned’ as though I am the third wheel & part of my kids marriage. This question made me chuckle & wonder if my friends parents were so intrusive in their marriages & how did that feel?
I was Blessed to have parents who were always there to guide, support & encourage me, but never were intrusive in my life. Independence is a wonderful thing & is learned over time by making tough decisions & mistakes on our own. I am no longer on the front lines of child rearing nor caregiving & I welcome this stage of life with enthusiasm to do things I have always wanted to do. I raised my children to be self-sufficient, responsible adults & I am not a partner in their lives, but a cheerful addition: a mentor, cheerleader & hopefully friend. Many people have taken parenthood in a totally different direction from years ago to a co-dependent relationship of today. I believe this is not only detrimental to our kids, but to us as well. Never letting go, accepting & embracing changing roles is a disintegration of parenting roles & more indicative of changing societal norms. Clinging onto our children like a life preserver in rough seas, alters the dynamic between parents, children & therefore those around them, stunting relationships that for healthy relationships should mature & grow.
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